A Shinigami's guide to IDIOMS
by Manta-Rae
Summary: It was 'English class' where Ochi-sensei taught a language that originated in completely different country. Rukia stared at the weird letters that marched across the board. A ficlet-series about what happens when a shinigami gets a homework assignment on deciphering idioms. "There are a lot of things you shouldn't take so literally," Ichigo sighed.
1. Chapter 1-Challenge Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyrights, trademarks, characters or anything else related to Bleach. Tite Kubo is the rightful owner.

* * *

It was 'English class' where Ochi-sensei taught a language that originated in completely different country. Rukia stared at the weird letters that marched across the board.

"Today we will begin discussing idioms or more simply 'a turn of phrase,'" Ochi-sensei states, "as an example: 'a dime a dozen,' this phrase means something is very common. 'A diamond in the rough' refers to someone with a lot of potenial but who is unrefined," her book snapped closed, "one by one you will draw a paper from this basket," she shakes the basket in emphasis, "and tomorrow I want a paper on whichever idiom you pick out," her glasses glint with an evil light, "we will continue this 'Idiom-project' until I am satisfied that ALL my students have a thorough understanding of English idioms."

A unanimous groan rolled through the classroom.

"Shut it you bunch of slackers," Ochi-sensei growls, "now, stand."

Chairs scrap.

"Starting in this row," Ochi-sensei points to the row closest to the door, "come up and draw out your assignment."

Feet shuffle. Ichigo was in the 'last' row so the shinigami-daiko merely stood and stretched while he waited. After about five minutes, Rukia followed her row up to the front where she drew a slip of paper from the basket. Ichigo's row began to move and he walked toward the teacher's desk. His hand reached into the basket and grabbed a piece of paper.

Once all her students had regained their seats, Ochi-sensei nodded, "you can work on your idioms until break. If you need help with deciphering the meaning, come on up."

And with that the teacher turned her attention to grading a pile of homework.

* * *

AN: Here's a challenge of sorts. Any fic author is welcome to use this setup of Rukia and her misinterpretation of English idioms. I was basing her not being particularly...acquainted with English because her Japanese was out-dated. (lol)


	2. IDIOMS should not be taken so literally

Disclaimer: MantaRae still doesn't claim ownership of Bleach. It still belongs to Kubo-sensei.

* * *

Rukia unfolded her paper, 'walk a mile in a man's shoes.'

Ichigo read his slip, 'Death by a thousand cuts' and suddenly held a miniature paper ball in his fist.

The shinigami opened her notepad and picked up a pencil, wrote at the top, _'Walk a mile in a man's shoes.'_

'What did this Idiom-thing mean?' Her pencil taps on her chin, she sighed, 'perhaps if I follow the paper's advice, I will figure it out.'

With this plan of action in place, Rukia spent the remaining time drawing several Chappy bunnies bounding around her paper. After school she trailed behind Ichigo to the Kurosaki Clinic. The teenager turned the doorknob then habitually ducked. Isshin's 'Flying-Tackle-of-Father's-Loving-Welcome' sailed into the street. The high school students entered the house/clinic and Ichigo locked the door.

"Welcome home," Yuzu's cheerful voice greeted, "Onii-chan, Rukia-chan."

"Yo," Ichigo kicked off his shoes, stepped into the house, "where's Karin?"

"Soccer practice," Yuzu emerged from the living room, "where's Rukia-chan?"

"Right here..." Ichigo turned to gesture at the short shinigami, "...of course..." then he blinked rapidly, surprised at a distinct lack of 'short-shinigami' in the vicinity.

"Didn't Rukia come back with you, big brother?"

"She was just here," Ichigo assured.

But he opened the door (just in case) then peered into the street, only to see a pile-o-Isshin.

"Hey Old man! Did you see Rukia?"

A hand rose and pointed back down the street in answer.

"She left?"

A thumbs up from the pile-o-Isshin.

"I'll go find her. She's a magnet for trouble."

"Pot, Kettle..." Yuzu teased.

"Yeah, yeah," Ichigo shook his head and reached for his shoes...which were gone, so of course he asked, "has anybody seen my shoes?"

A hand rose and pointed back down the street in answer.

"Rukia left _with_ my shoes?"

A thumbs up from the pile-o-Isshin.

"WHY IN THE WORLD," Ichigo ranted, "DID SHE TAKE-"

Yuzu interrupted, "Brother, I'm sure Rukia has a good reason to take your shoes."

"THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING!" He spazzed.

"Well, why don't you go ask _**her**_ instead?"

Ichigo _borrowed_ his father's shoes and ran down the street, muttering something about thieving shinigami.

* * *

Rukia clomped about town in Ichigo's shoes. They were, of course, several sizes too large for her to wear properly.

_'Walk a mile in a man's shoes.'_

The shinigami thought she had that idiom-thing figured out, 'Walk a mile in a man's shoes, but make sure they fit before you go.'

She nodded at her clever deduction, "It's kind of weird that Ichigo's shoes would take me to all of my favorite spots though."

Like the ice cream store, and Chappy Land, and the arcade...Rukia hummed happily as Ichigo's shoes carried her back toward her Living world home.

"RUKIA! RUKKKKIIII-AAA!" A familiar voice called.

She turned to see a fuming shinigami-daiko storming towards her, "oh, hey Ichigo."

"What in the world are you doing?" The teen ranted.

Rukia smirked, "walking."

Ichigo glared, "I meant, with MY shoes?"

She looked down at _his_ worn loafers on her feet, her violet gaze returned to his scowling face, "...walking."

"I can see that," Ichigo muttered.

"Then why did you ask a question you already know the answer to?"

"I asked because I didn't know why you stole my shoes!"

"Then don't say _'What are you doing?_'," Rukia mocked, "say _'why did you take my shoes?'_ instead!"

"Fine!" He sneered, "Why did you take my shoes...INSTEAD!"

"Baka!" her arms cross, "I answered that already. I am WALK-ING!"

"And I said, I can see that you are WALK-ING. I want to know why **YOU **took **MY** shoes!"

"And I already said that my answer was: I am walking."

"Rukia~~" Ichigo groaned in exasperation, "why couldn't you walk in **YOUR** own shoes?"

"Because, fool," She smiled at his apparent stupidity, "I needed 'A MAN'S SHOES.'"

"..."

Rukia continued to grin.

"...wait...?" Ichigo croaked, "...what...?"

Rukia beamed, "it's my assignment for English class."

"English...class...?"

"Yep," she drew out her slip of paper, "it says: _'Walk a mile in a man's shoes.' _So that's what I am doing."

"There are a lot of things you shouldn't take so literally," Ichigo sighed.

Rukia blinked, momentarily stumped, but then ventured a guess, "...like your shoes?"

Ichigo promptly slapped his forehead.

* * *

AN: Here is the first idiom I picked for Rukia to completely misunderstand. Hope you found it amusing. And if there is such a place as Chappy Land, I'm not crazy enough to claim ownership of the brand or anything related to that bunny.

A big thanks to:

reviewer: Snowyncess

story alerter: Roses 4 Life

favoriter: Darkest Kurogetsu

Til the next chapter! -MantaRae


	3. IDIOMS are not fortunes

Disclaimer: If it's possible I own Bleach even less than I did in the first and second chapter...which to say: 'none at all.' The rights and related whatnots are property of Tite Kubo. Story Cover art belongs to Gnosticgarden (*http (colon slash slash) .com (slash)art(slash)Bleach-IchiRuki-415211208*)

* * *

The following school day:

"Good Morning," the teacher called as she walked to her desk.

"Welcome Sensei!" The class chorused the greeting.

Ochi-sensei instructed, "turn in all your homework, then pull your next English assignment from the basket."

Semi-orderly, the students dropped their assignments on the desk and drew another idiom-paper from the now-familiar basket.

Ichigo unfolded the paper and his perpetual scowl deepened.

Rukia leaned over to ask, "what did you pick today?"

"Yesterday, it was '_Death by a thousand cuts.'_ Today it's _'By the skin of your teeth,_'" Ichigo answered grumbling, "it's a good thing I don't believe in that psychic-stuff. Otherwise I might think something horrible is about to happen."

"Oh, now I understand," Rukia's fist hits her opposite palm, "these idiom-things are like fortunes!"

"What?" Ichigo hissed quietly, "that's not how it works."

Reading her slip of paper, Rukia said haughtily, "my idiom-fortune says I should go back to the wall."

"Are you even listening to me?!" The orange haired teen hollered.

"Kurosaki..." an ominous shadow fell over the teen, "is there something you need? Say, for example, detention?"

"Er...uh...no sensei," He shrunk away from the teacher's evil aura, "my apologies."

Ochi-sensei commanded firmly, "no more interruptions, Kurosaki."

Ichigo mumbled, contrite, "Yes, ma'am."

Ochi-sensei smirked and returned to the lesson. Not two minutes later, the Substitute-Shingami Combat Pass screeched: "HOLLOW! HOLLOW! HOLLOW!"

Rukia pretended to yawn (a Chappy-mod-soul in hand), her false body becoming inhabited by a replacement soul while her shinigami spirit stood nearby in robes of shadow, her zanpakto secured in place at her side.

Ichigo stood, preparing to vamoose.

"Kurosaki, there will be no further interruptions today," Ochi-sensei said while writing on the whiteboard, "sit back down."

"But-"

"Kurosaki," Ochi-sensei slowly turned, a dark light in her eyes, an evil smile on her face, "Sit. Back. Down."

"...yes...sensei..." defeated by Ochi-overlord, he scowled at Rukia's smirk.

"I was lucky to get that idiom-fortune! Now I can go back to the wall!" She paused, "Although, I am not sure which wall it is talking about..." she muttered then shrugged, "oh well," the shinigami leapt out the window, running on reishi-air toward the distant battle.

'Idiom-fortune?' Ichigo silently fumed, 'What in the world is she thinking?'

* * *

Time dragged on. Chappy read aloud in class, the mod soul had plenty of "pyon's" to share. Time slowed further. The salvation of the lunch bell finally rang.

"Kuchiki-chan, the way you read was so cute!" the other girls gushed.

"Thank you, pyon!" Chappy chirped as the group of females headed off for lunch.

Ichigo trudged out of the class and eventually achieved the freedom of the school roof. He plopped down and unwrapped his bento. A silent presence appeared at his left while a snotty attitude approached his right.

"..." said Chad.

Ichigo growled, "I am not worried!"

Light glinted off square lens, "I believe that's called a 'Freudian slip,' Kurosaki."

"Shut it, Ishida." Ichigo grumped.

Just then Mizuiro's subtle sarcasm and Keigo's loud babbling joined the group. The new arrivals effectively (thankfully) drew the attention away from Ichigo.

Returning to the class room, the group greeted Rukia who sat happily at her desk. "Kuchiki-san," said Keigo (excitedly) and the dark haired quincy (stoically). A wave from Chad and Mizuiro while Ichigo merely grunted. The warning bell rang and the teens dispersed to their respective spots. Other students filtered into the room and the low murmuring drone of chatter filled the far flung corners. Rukia hummed as she drew Chappy related art, waiting for their teacher to reappear.

"What took you so long?" Ichigo muttered.

Her sharp eyes shot to him, "I told you that I had to go back to the wall."

He stared at her incredulous, "Which wall?"

"I choose the one in Seireitei, of course," Rukia answered smugly.

Ichigo groaned in aggravation, "Idioms are not fortunes. Idioms are phrases that have meanings beyond the words themselves."

Her lips twisted into a confused frown.

The substitute shinigami asked, "today you got the idiom, '_Back to the wall_,' right?"

Rukia nodded.

"That doesn't mean that you **go **back to the wall," he attempted to explain, "it's a phrase that means that _your_ back is to the wall..." then trailed off at the look on her face that practically shouted 'disbelief.'

Rukia questioned, hesitantly, "I have to put my back _against_ the wall?"

'She still has no idea what's going on,' Ichigo asked in frustration, "what did I say about taking these things literally?"

"...to not to?"

* * *

*A Freudian Slip is an error in speech, memory or physical action that is interpreted as occurring due to the interference of unconscious thoughts or feelings.

AN: Yes, I borrowed the 'no idea' line from the manga. Thank you Kubo-sensei for the awesomeness of Bleach! (throws confetti) *See profile for link to Gnosticgarden's picture at DeviantArt! Thanks for letting me use your picture!* MantaRae

Shout out to all readers and-  
reviewers: Snowyncess, yuiyuki (Guest), teshichan, JustGrace13,  
follows: Snowyness, teshichan, Titiff  
favers: Snowyness,Titiff


	4. IDIOMS can be a challenge

Disclaimer: Tite Kubo is the mastermind behind the manga known as Bleach. MantaRae denies any claim to any related materials, characters, etc, etc.

* * *

"Just remember what I said about these idioms," Ichigo stated seriously.

Rukia merely waved away his warning, "yeah, I know. They are not literal. They are not fortunes," she unfurled the strip of paper, "It says: _'Break a leg.'_"

"Good luck," He replied absently, reading his own aloud, "_'Hit me with your best shot.'_"

'Did Ichigo wish me luck in hitting him?' Rukia pondered the challenging statement, 'He doesn't _actually_ wants me to break his leg...right?'

Ichigo sighed in relief, 'finally something normal. There's no way Rukia could possibly misunderstand. I already told her what her idiom means.'

'**If** idioms are not literal and they are not fortunes,' she contemplated these guidelines, 'then wouldn't breaking his leg be taking things literal again?'

A chill skittered down Ichigo's spine, his eyes immediately darted to Rukia, 'I have a bad feeling about this.'

* * *

That entire school day, Rukia mentally debated the nature of idioms versus Ichigo's outright challenge. Eventually becoming frustrated, the shinigami settled on merely punching Ichigo square in the jaw.

'I think it might _actually_ be broken...' He staggered back, hissing between gritted teeth, "wha'tha'for? Wha'd I do?'

"**You** said: 'good luck, hit me with your best shot,'" quoting his challenge, Rukia finished by stating, "you should thank me for such a meager punch."

"Thank you?!" the distinctive taste of blood lingered in his mouth, "for punching me?!"

She looked down her noble nose at the orange haired idiot, "You should be grateful that I didn't _literally _break your leg with a challenge such as that."

"Is that what you heard this morning?" Ichigo yelled, "I wasn't challenging you to hit me!" He glared at her, adding, "Or break my leg!

"**You** made it _sound_ like a challenge," Rukia blamed him completely, "so it's _**your** _own fault."

"Rukia, listen this time!" The teen loudly clarified, "saying _'Break a leg'_ is just another way to say **'good luck'** to somebody," he emphasized, "_'Hit me with your best shot' _can also be said: 'no matter what you do to hurt me, you won't stop me'," Ichigo concluded, "So apologize for hitting me already!"

"I suppose that you really didn't challenge me after all," Rukia mused aloud, huffing, "but perhaps next time you should explain properly in the beginning."

Ichigo flailed his arms dramatically, "Do I have to _DRAW _some crappy bunny in order for you to comprehend?"

Rukia loomed over the teen, a dark aura surrounding her, "are you mocking my artistic ability? Or perhaps you are degrading Chappy?"

An evil grin in reply, "is that what you heard just now? You should work on your listening skills. I was _merely_ asking a question."

"All I hear is a fool talking," the short shinigami glared, "One that I have an urge to punch again."

"Good luck," Ichigo smirked, challenging, "Hit me with your best shot."

* * *

AN: More random Rukia violence for you. Hopefully I conveyed HOW the short one heard Ichigo's initial "challenge." Let me know if I've failed completely, I appreciate any type of feedback (aka reviews) Thanks to all the loverly peoplez who read, review, and/or follow! MantaRae


	5. IDIOMS might be contradictory

Disclaimer: MantaRae is merely borrowing Bleach characters and promises to return them by dinnertime. Tite Kubo owns all rights, trademarks and a piece of this author's soul.

* * *

Ichigo Kurosaki wasn't taking ANY chances. The fight was coming down to the wire. His opponent was a vicious, shin-kicking, pint-sized shinigami. And there is NO way she would win this war.

"Okay, your idiom is _'You can't have cake and the toppings, too,_'" the teen challenged, "so what do YOU think it means?"

Blank stare, "dunno."

"Try to guess at least," he ground out.

"I suppose the cake-idiom _might_ mean 'you can't afford dessert,'" Rukia speculated, "then again, that idiom-person might have simply been full from a large meal."

Ichigo smirked, "you're wrong."

Rukia huffed, scowling at the smug teen, "what does yours say then?"

"'_Flat out like a lizard drinking'_," He read the unusual jargon slowly.

"So what does your lizard-idiom mean?"

Blank stare, "dunno."

Rukia mocked, sneering, "try to guess at least."

A head scratch, "...hmm, maybe...'a lazy person'?"

"You're wrong," Rukia echoed, silently snickering at his bewildered expression.

"You know what this idiom means?" Ichigo scoffed, skeptical, "really?"

"Shut up!" She replied, demanding, "First tell me what that cake-idiom means!"

With a know-it-all attitude, Ichigo answered, "you can't have cake and the toppings, too."

After a long moment of waiting for him to continue, Rukia asked, expectantly, "well?"

Another aggravating smirk, "And just HOW am I supposed to 'shut up' AND 'tell you' something at the same time?"

"Be quiet!" Rukia ordered, "Answer my question!"

Ichigo folded his arms, stubbornly insisting, "I CAN'T do two completely different things. So which is it, 'Shut up' or 'tell you'? "

"Tell me!" Rukia growled, "What does that cake-idiom really mean?"

"Fine!" Ichigo grumbled, "It means you can't have everything the way you want it, especially if your desires are contradictory. 'Shut up' and 'talk' for example."

"See, that wasn't so tough," Rukia grinned, triumphant, "You should just listen to me next time."

He scowled, irritated, "shut up."

* * *

Later that day, Ichigo returned to his seat from Ochi-sensei's desk, "_'flat out like a lizard drinking'_ is an Australian idiom meaning extremely busy. Weird huh?"

Rukia hummed in agreement, "these idiom-things are strange."

"Don't forget contradictory too," Ichigo complained, "which is why I didn't want another misinterpretation on your part."

Purple eyes shimmered, Rukia's 'school-girl' aura sparkled as she innocently pondered, "Who said I was misunderstanding any of those idioms before?"

Ichigo glared, mentally cursing the vicious, shin-kicking, pint-sized shinigami and her painful English assignments.

* * *

AN: Isn't it great when Rukia messes with Ichigo? It's one of my favorite things about these two. A great big cyber cookie for all the readers, reviewers, favers, and followers. Your continuing support is greatly appreciated. MantaRae


	6. IDIOMS can be profitable

Disclaimer: Tite Kubo is still the legal owner of all things related to Bleach. MantaRae is a mere lowly fanfic author that has no hope of buying copyrights or trademarks. She also doesn't own anything related to any of Dr. Seuss's classics.

* * *

He woke up late that morning, forgot his bag and had to run back to grab it. This helped in making him rush even more. Stumbling into school, tripping into the classroom, Ichigo finally collapsed into his seat.

Ochi-sensei snapped a book closed with a harsh sound, "so glad you decided to grace us with your presence, Kurosaki."

Ichigo huffed and turned his head sharply away, muttering, "sorry."

The teacher looked down her nose at the perpetually scowling teen, humming in contemplation. The majority of the other students fidgeted under the suddenly tense atmosphere, the thought 'what is she gonna do?' dominating the room.

"Ah well, let's get back to work," Ochi-sensei shrugged and returned to her lesson.

Sweatdrops appeared, 'she really didn't care to begin with?'

Numbers and letters were copied as Ichigo focused on the math lesson. Rukia leaned over and dropped a thin strip of paper on his desk. When he looked at her with confusion, the shinigami whispered, "Don't worry, I got you an idiom."

Ichigo Kurosaki deadpanned and slowly turned back to writing mathematical formulas. The substitute shinigami's prevailing thought? 'Oh...joy...' with plenty of sarcasm to spare.

Then the realization hit: _Rukia Kuchiki had another idiom._ Ichigo was instantly paranoid even though she was calmly sitting, concentrating on scribbling algebraic expressions. Unfortunately this meant his wariness and anxiety increased by the minute. An eternity later, lunch break arrived and the teen quickly herded Rukia to the rooftop. Concerned the rest of their friends followed right behind.

Purple eyes blink in the sudden sunlight, Rukia turned to her companion, "Okay, what's going on?"

Ichigo agitated answered, "your idiom. What was it?"

After a moment of intense staring like she's wondering if he's crazy, Rukia replied, "'_In for a penny, in for a pound_,' why?"

Ichigo sighed in relief, "Okay, good. That one means, 'if you take a gamble, then you might as well go the whole way and take all the risks.'"

"I know."

"Huh?"

The door opened admitting the strange clique to circle around, rapid fire questions peppering the death god duo, "what is it?" "what's wrong? "I'm not saving Soul Society again."

Ichigo glanced at the last speaker, "What?! No one asked you to!"

The quincy shrugged nonchalantly, "the way the two of you bolted, I assumed that there was some kind of emergency."

"Ichigo wanted to know what English assignment I picked this morning," Rukia calmly assured, "But I already know what the penny-idiom means because Ishida helped me decipher it."

"He did?"

"Of course," Ishida replied, "Kuchiki might be adequately equipped in reading and writing English but she lacks the interpretation skills many others are proficient in."

Ichigo stumped, responded, "oh...I see."

Then he wandered over to the fence and sat down tiredly. Fugitive glances were passed through the group and an unspoken consensus was reached. They joined the orange haired teen and their typical lunchtime conversation involving many different topics flowed.

Rukia perched by the substitute shinigami, "here."

He accepted the extra bento box from her, "why didn't you or Pop wake me up this morning?"

"Your dad busted down your door," she daintily ate her meal, "but then he came downstairs and said you were 'dead to the world.' He said since you don't usually sleep past your alarm (and his training) he would allow you to rest up. He even sent a note saying you were not feeling well."

A sword calloused hand rubbed orange spikes sheepishly, "you mean I could have skipped school?"

"Yep," Rukia chirped then curiously asked, "Oh I almost forgot. What was your idiom-thing today?"

"Hm?" Ichigo dug his out of a pocket, "says '_a fool and his money are easily parted_.'"

And that is when Rukia Kuchiki formed a plan. She hatched a dastardly, evil plan.

"Well that's perfect for you because you are a fool," Rukia commented.

"Shut up," Ichigo answered simply.

Rukia's eyes glinted with mischief and she silently snickered at her brilliantly formed plot.

* * *

As Ichigo trudged home with the short one humming happily at his side, his suspicious query, "what are you up to?"

"About 1000 yen, I hope."

"What are you talking about?"

She whipped out a wallet and opened it, peeking inside, cheering, "Oh, there's more than that!"

Ichigo stared at the bold thief, "you took my wallet?!"

"You were right," she smirked, "a fool and his money are easily parted."

"I told you not to take those things literally. And stop stealing my stuff!" He tried to snatch his wallet from her greedy grasp.

"I didn't take your idiom literally. I took your wallet because I could," she smiled evilly, "And because it was fun."

Ichigo glowered, "That's your reason?"

Rukia shrugged and threw his wallet into the air, "In for a penny, in for a pound. I knew you'd complain so I figured I might as well make some money while I was at it."

He caught the now empty wallet, yelling incredulous, "Hey! Stop stealing my stuff!"

A cursing irate teen chased the cackling shinigami-thief to the Kurosaki Clinic, where he was warmly greeted by an overjoyed flying tackle. As Ichigo was a bit distracted attempting to grab the short death god, this resulted in the son being body slammed into the sidewalk by his own father. Rukia escaped the writhing-in-pain substitute shinigami's wrath and revenge...for now.

* * *

A/N: Thanks everybody that reads, reviews, favorites and follows. I am eternally grateful. Hope y'all enjoyed this installment of Idioms. It has a lot of physical and monetary pain for our favorite ginger substitute. I kinda paraphrased a couple lines from 'How the Grinch stole Christmas' by Dr. Seuss. I'm still disclaiming that author's copyrighted works, related trademarks and such.


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